After my daughter received her diagnosis, I was overwhelmed and perplexed with how and where to begin our unexpected journey. As I searched for meaningful opportunities, therapies, and environments for her, I also started to work on adjusting my viewpoints and beliefs. At times, I struggled with reframing my thinking and expectations as I explored unfamiliar programs and situations. To be the mother my daughter needed, I learned to embrace the uncomfortable and to be vulnerable. Most of all, I realized that I had to ask for help and direction from the people who had walked the path before us.

Reprogramming my thinking continues to be an ongoing process. For instance, I still struggle with trying not to regulate her personality in public. I want her to be confident, and I never want to diminish her spirit. An experience when she was 4-years old helped me realize what really mattered. At the time, she participated in a special gymnastics class. Rather than go home, it was more convenient to dine at a fast-food restaurant between pre-school pickup and the class. Each week, we tried different restaurants to practice dining out. One week we went to Arby’s. I ordered our food, and we sat in a booth. My daughter was moving around in the booth as I attempted to get her to sit and eat. During this ordeal, one of the workers, who was on break, stared at us the entire time. I felt self-conscious, embarrassed, frustrated, and fragile. The worker looked at me directly, and without any hesitation said, “She’s autistic, right?” I was mortified and caught completely off-guard. We soon left and never returned. Luckily, we eventually found our place. It was a McDonald’s attached to a gas station. The shift manager was incredibly kind, welcoming, and understanding. Her encouragement and acceptance made all the difference. I will always be grateful that we had a safe and supportive environment to learn and practice the skills that I once took for granted.

Both experiences are forever imprinted in my memory. However, it took time before I realized that it was essential for my daughter and I to be surrounded by people and environments that are encouraging, supporting, and nurturing.  I needed people to see her without labels and prejudices, and to accept and celebrate her. It was crucial to find a support system that aligned with my values and beliefs.

New Hope of Indiana became the support system that we needed. New Hope provided us with a safe place to grow, to learn, and to adjust. In the past 9 years, our relationships have deepened, and new friendships formed. We found the place where we felt seen, accepted, and embraced. My daughter has grown up and blossomed at New Hope; she is comfortable, confident, and happy. She enjoys seeing and chatting with everyone, especially her bestie, Debbie.

I will be forever grateful to New Hope for welcoming us into their extended family. Everyone has a voice, but not everyone is heard. New Hope listens. They have enhanced our lives with their kindness and acceptance. They have educated, guided, and supported us. Because of them, my daughter and I are pursuing our best lives without limitations.

Article written by Denise Irons, New Hope parent and Board Member serving on New Hope’s Board of Directors.